Who Would Win in a Fight? Shredder or Wolverine?

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All right ladies and gents, time to gather ringside for the first installment of Who Would Win in a Fight? Every Friday we at Dark Elf Dice hope to bring you the world’s greatest slap downs — hypothetical match ups between two opponents ready to brawl in a no-holds barred fight to the finish. This week we have a great title bout between two juggernauts of comic book fame and it’s time to ask:

Who would win in a fight? The Shredder or Wolverine?

And in this corner: The Shredder!

The Shredder: A Turtle's Worst Nightmare

If you know your Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles then you know The Shredder is one bad dude. He’s the ninja leader of the Foot clan and made his first comic book appearance in 1984. He’s been kicking since your daddy’s worn parachute pants and has been the Turtles’ arch nemesis ever since. He’s strong, he’s intelligent and he sports freaking armor — samurai inspired duds with sharp spikes and Freddy Kruger blades extending from his hands. Ouch!

• Strength: 15
• Endurance: 15
• Dexterity: 16
• Intelligence: 16
• Wisdom: 17
• Charisma: 17
• Willpower: 16
• Special Abilities: crazy ninja skills, leadership skills (like Donald Trump, but without the hair)
• Favorite Weapon: shredder blades
• Favorite Saying: “Foot! Attack!”

And in this corner: Wolverine!

Wolverine: The X-Men's Resident Wild Man

If you’re a fan of brooding tough guys, then you gotta love Wolverine. He started in 1974 as a Canadian superhuman agent in The Incredible Hulk #181, but Wolvie will forever be known as the second-hairiest member of the X-Men (Beast being first). What’s not to love about the world’s favorite mutant? He has super healing powers, an adamantium skeleton, a bad temper that puts even the crabbiest DMV clerk to shame (“Next!”) and six razor-sharp claws that spring from the back of his hands whenever he feels the need to rumble in the jungle. Snikt!

• Strength: 16
• Endurance: 18
• Dexterity: 16
• Intelligence: 13
• Wisdom: 14
• Charisma: 12
• Willpower: 17
• Special Abilities: mutant healing powers, martial arts master, superhuman senses (sight, smell, etc.)
• Favorite Weapon: adamantium claws
• Favorite Saying: “Outta my way, bub.”

And the winner is… Wolverine!

On the surface this is a real compelling fight. Both opponents face off with similar weapons and a knowledge of the martial arts. It’s a spirited brawl with lots of pushing and shoving, but Wolverine takes Shredder down hard in Round 2.  Shredder is undoubtedly one nasty customer, but the ninja leader tends to let his Foot clan do the bulk of his fighting for him. He just doesn’t have the moxie to go one-on-one in a street fight with Wolverine for an extended period of time. And don’t forget, Wolvie has his mutant healing ability. Hard to keep a guy down who keeps getting back up.

What’s Up With Elves?

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Why is it that whenever the guys and gals show up on game night to play D&D (or any other fantasy RPG ) that inevitably, the majority want to be elves? I’m not kidding — the last time we started a new campaign I had a party of 4 elves, 2 half-elves, a human and and a dwarf (and I had to bribe someone to be the dwarf — never underestimate the power of bribery and a +2 battleaxe in these types of situations). Heck, even our Dark Elf Dice website is named after an elf.

So why is it that we can’t seem to get enough of these guys? Is it their fitness model physiques that make us gaga (no potbellies here)? Or perhaps it’s simply their magical nature (ancient race and all that jazz)? I’m not certain if I can really put my finger on it, but needless to say gamers like elves. And it’s for this reason that we salute 4 of our favorites:

Legolas

For me, Tolkien’s Legolas has always been THE prototypical elf for gamers. What’s not to like about the guy? He’s one of the original members of the Fellowship, is a kick-butt archer, and has really cool hair. Heck, he even overcame his dislike of dwarves and counts Gimli as his best friend. Can we all just get along, people?

Link

OK, I realize that Nintendo never calls Link an elf (he’s called a Hylian), but who do they think they’re fooling? Let’s count the stereotypes: pointy ears (check), goofy pointed hat (check), angular facial features (check), forest green getup (check). No doubt about it — the dude’s an elf. And we love him of course because he’s been hacking and slashing since 1986 and Ocarina of Time is arguably the best N64 game ever.

Ernie the Keebler Elf

Earlier in the post I mentioned that elves had fitness model physiques. Well, Ernie won’t be appearing on the cover of Men’s Health anytime soon. He’s not exactly buff, but it doesn’t matter. Know what trumps rock solid abs? Charisma baby, and this little dude has plenty of it. Also, he has access to a tree house full of cookies, crackers and other sugary snacks (THIS is the reason why he won’t be a cover model, but who in their right mind can resist a plateful of Chips Deluxe and an ice cold glass of milk?). In my book Ernie is (dare I say it) uncommonly good.

Hermey the Dentist

You have to respect a guy who’s willing to buck the trend and do things his way. Hermey had his whole life laid out in front of him — a dull career making toys. But he basically told The Man to buzz off and became a dentist. You can check out the exchange here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=day3yvj3f7s Just remember people, be true to yourself and don’t be afraid to follow your dreams. Especially if those dreams earn you upwards of 100K a year. So who’s making toys now? Bwahahaha!